Do You Believe in Love? Even the Second (Third? Fourth?) Time it Comes Around?

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Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_(TV_series)

All those bogus romance plots and plots constantly talk about a “one true love”, a singular “soulmate”. I think that means it’s safe to assume that love is only supposed to come around once. One and done. You get those sappy “the one that got away” quotes and unrequited love and the happy endings that everyone seems to get regardless of the challenges they faced literally two minutes before the big fairy-tale wedding. Talk about unrealistic. And the pressure that puts on young people in relationships! The ultimatum that you’re either destined to end up with this person or they’re only a passing fling until the right one comes along.

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Source: http://www.semiahmoo.com/specials/the-romance-package.htm

I think love is too complicated to be simplified like that. It’s possible to love more than just one person at a time, but that’s because I’m viewing love as more than just romantic love. I’m thinking about loving my family members, my friends, the people who support me. So to rephrase: Is it possible to be in love with more than one person? I honestly don’t know. I can’t provide answers on that one. But I do know that love is an roller coaster of emotions that can destroy people, so I don’t imagine being that intensely in love with two people is much fun.

When I first got the idea to write this blog, I was sure I was going to be able to talk about Ifemelu and how she loved Obinze but has now moved on. Unfortunately, that doesn’t seem to be entirely true. With the ending of Americanah, Obinze and Ifemelu are rekindling their relationship and thus proving that their one true love prevails above all. It follows the societal expectation of the singular love of your life. Does that discredit Ifemelu’s other relationships? Does this mean she and Curt or she and Blaine never had a chance because she and Obinze had fallen in love before they’d even met? And what about Fred? He made his move at a bit of an inconvenient time because Ifemelu and Obinze had sort of gotten back together (maybe?) but then Ifemelu broke this off (did she? I think she did) but then Obinze breaks off his marriage which is what Ifemelu wanted (I’m assuming?) and now they’re back together (once again, maybe? There were a lot of unanswered questions with the ending, I’ll touch on that in another post).

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Source: https://www.theodysseyonline.com/revisiting-americana

Either way, even if the relationship between Ifemelu and Obinze adheres to the societal ideal of “one true love”, I do believe that Ifemelu could’ve been in love with the other men she was with. I don’t think the fact that she and Obinze getting back together means he’s her “one true love” either. I don’t even think I believe in a “one true love”. I do think it’s possible to fall in and out of love with multiple people, or even the same person, something Adichie clearly demonstrates in the three central relationships she portrays in Americanah. 

That’s it for now.

Let’s Talk About Young Love For A Second

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Source: http://outlava.com/inspiration/tumblr-love-pictures/

I, personally, have little no experience with relationships ergo I have no room to talk about relationships. Ok, that’s not true. I feel, as someone with so little experience, that I do offer a different perspective when viewing relationships. An outside perspective. And one specific type of relationship that has always fascinated me has been young love.

A lot of older people tend to discredit younger people and simply label them as “moody” or “emotional” rather than taking their opinions and feelings into account like they would another adult. And because of this, adults rarely take young love seriously which I think is ridiculous. If a teenager is able to plan out the rest of their future at that age then they should be taken seriously when it comes to falling in love at that age. Simultaneously, there are obvious examples of young love that prove young people have no idea what they’re doing when it comes to romance (example: Romeo and Juliet). But at the same time, that shouldn’t discredit all romance experienced at a younger age.

This comes up because I recently read the chapter in Americanah where Ifemelu discusses meeting and dating her, presently ex-boyfriend, Obinze. While her age is not specified, it’s safe to assume she was still young when the pair met and fell for one another. And because of that, and how their relationship ended, that begs the question: is all young love doomed to fail?

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Source: http://liupis.com/hd/hd-broken-heart-wallpaper-for-boys.html

Obviously I believe young love should be taken seriously but taken seriously doesn’t necessarily mean I believe all young relationships will work out. If the answer to the above question turns out to be yes, then why? Is it because we’re young, so we have no idea how to handle actual relationships that involve feelings? Or is it because we’re constantly pressured and judged by adults who think young love is ridiculous, childish, foolish? It’s safe to say the odds are stacked against the success of young love. With stigma from society also comes responsibilities like school or establishing yourself in the workplace or moving away from home and living your own life without your parents there to guide you. On top of that, add the emotional responsibility that comes with maintaining a successful and healthy relationship, you’ve got quite the heavy load.

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Source: http://becuo.com/holding-hands-tumblr

I think I’m just curious to see why Obinze and Ifemelu’s relationship ended. Were they doomed to fail from the start? Do their separate hopes and dreams send them down different paths? And then you have the knowledge that they are beginning to reconnect after the relationship has long since ended, so does that mean there might be more to their relationship? Who knows.

That’s it for now.